Spanked Hams

Spanked Hams is a deleted episode.

Trivia

 * This episode was scrapped before production, because it was based off of a Simpsons meme, Steamed Hams. Railfanner Jones thought it wouldn't be a good idea to write an episode that is from something that is copyright. So Railfanner Jones changed his mind about this episode.

Characters

 * Andy
 * Baconhair
 * Baldi

Transcript
(Baconhair rings Baldi's doorbell, then Baldi opens the door for him)

Baconhair : Well, Baldi, I made it. Despite your directions.

Baldi : Ya, Baconhair, welcome! I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable luncheon.

Baconhair : Hm...

(then Baldi opens the door to his kitchen, then sees that his roast is burning up)

Baldi : (gasp) Oh my god, (opens his oven) my roast is ruined! (then walks to the window, and sees a McDonalds near his school) But what if... I were to purchase fast food and disguise it as my own cooking? Ho ho ho! Very devilish Baldi!

(then Baldi tries to escape to go to McDonalds, but then Baconhair enters his kitchen)

Baconhair : Ah!

♫Baldi with his crazy exclamations. Mr. Baconhair is gonna need his medication. We need to hear Baldi's lame exaggerations. There will be trouble at school tonight!♫

Baconhair : BAAAAAAAAAAALDI!!

Baldi : Baconhair I was just-just streching my calves on the windowsill. Isometric exercise. Here to join me?

Baconhair : Why is there smoke coming out of your oven, Baldi?

Baldi : Uh... Oh! That isn't smoke. It's steam. Steam from the spanked clams we are having. Mm, spanked clams!

(Baconhair leaves the kitchen)

Baldi : *relief* (then escapes from Baconhair, and sneaks off to McDonalds)

Baldi : Baconhair, I hope you're ready for mouthwatering hamburgers!

Baconhair : I thought we were having spanked clams.

Baldi : (puts the hamburgers on the table) No, no! I said spanked hams. That's what I call hamburgers.

Baconhair : You call hamburgers spanked hams?

Baldi : Yes! It's a regional dialect.

Baconhair : From what region?

Baldi : Um... Upstate of New York?

Baconhair : Really? Well I'm from Utica and I never heard anyone use a phrase spanked hams.

Baldi : Not in Utica. No. It's an Albony expression.

Baconhair : I see...

(Baconhair grabs and a hamburger, then disects it)

Baconhair : You know these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at McDonalds.

Baldi : Ho, ho, ho, no! Patented Baldi burgers. Old family recipe.

Baconhair : For spanked hams?

Baldi : Yes.

Baconhair : So you call them spanked hams despite the fact they are obviously grilled.

Baldi : You-you know the-One thing I-Excuse for one second!

(Baldi enters the kitchen for approximately 3 seconds)

Baldi : (sigh) That was wonderful! Man, I'm pooped!

Baconhair : Yes, I should GOD LORD! WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THERE?!

Baldi : A train derailment?

Baconhair : A train derailment? At this time of year, at this time of day, and at this part of the country, localized entirely within your kicthen?

Baldi : Yes.

Baconhair : May I see it?

Baldi : No.

(then we Baconhair about to leave, until Andy interrupts)

Andy : Baldi, the school is on fire!

Baldi : No Andy, it's just the Polar Express.

Baconhair : Baldi you are an odd fellow, but I must you spanked a good ham.

Andy : Get me out of here right now or I'm whipping ass!

(Baldi gives a winks to Baconhair, then Baconhair walks away and we see a firetruck at the end)